09 October 2009 9:34:20 AM UTC in Jokes

Animal Jokes

Animal Jokes are funny and crazy jokes about cats, cows, lions, tigers and vampire bats. These jokes about animals are sure to tickle your funny bones. Animal jokes also contain jokes about birds and insects.

Animal Jokes
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked "Any idea how to drive this thing?"

A Turtle was walking along a New York street when it was attacked by a group of snails.

When asked what happened, the Turtle told the Police "I have no idea. It all happened so quickly".
By (anonymous)
on 7/1/2011 11:39:16 AM


Hilarious Duck

The bartender says, "No, we have cherries and grapes but no olives."

"Oh," says the duck and leaves. Five minutes later the duck returns and say to the same barman,

"Have you got any olives?"

"I told you before, we have cherries and grapes, but WE DON'T HAVE OLIVES!" says the barman.

"Oh," says the duck and leaves. Another five minutes later the duck comes back a third time and again asks, "Have you got any olives?"

"Look, " screams the barman. "For the last time WE HAVE NO OLIVES!, we will never have ANY OLIVES and if you ask me once more, I am going to nail your webbed feet to the floor!!!"

"Oh," said the duck and left. Five minutes later, the door opened and there was the duck. The barman is absolutely furious. He slams a bottle of beer on the bar, stares at the duck and screams:

"WHAT NOW???!!" "Uh...uh...have ...you ...got...any....NAILS?"

"Nails? Nails? No, we haven’t got any nails," answered the barman

"Okay," said the duck. "So, have you got any olives?"
By (anonymous)
on 7/1/2011 11:40:12 AM


Cow 1: Did you see the news? The mad cow disease is affecting many cows making them to go mad.
Cow 2: Yeah, I saw it on TV. Thankfully it wont affect us donkeys.

Three birds walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.
Bird watcher 1: What sort of bird is that?
Bird watcher 2: A gulp.
Bird watcher 1: A gulp? I've never heard of one of them before.
Bird watcher 2: It's a bit like a swallow, only bigger.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 9:36:24 AM


Literate Bird
Which bird wrote a book?
A Penguin.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:52:44 AM


Doberman Joke
How do you give a tail to a Doberman?

Take it to a 'retail' store.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:17:43 AM


Hummingbird Joke
Why do humming birds hum?
Because they dont know the lyrics.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:34:46 AM


Vampire Dog Joke
Which dog do vampires like?
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:49:15 AM


Cat Vs. Comma Joke
Whats the diff between a cat and a comma?

A 'Cat' has the paws before the claws while a 'Comma' has the clause before the pause.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:16:47 AM


Chicken Road Joke
Why did the chicken cross the dirty road two times?

Because it was a dirty double-crosser.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:32:53 AM


Animal Joke
Which dog will tell you the time?
A watch dog.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:35:20 AM


Dog Joke
Which degree did the dog get?
A pedigree.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:55:52 AM


Birds Joke
Why do animals fly south during the winter?
Because they cant walk so far.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:34:08 AM


Firefly Joke
How do fireflies say tata?
Got to glow now.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:46:02 AM


Chicken Joke
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To reach the other side ofcourse!.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:22:45 AM


Strongest Bird
Which bird is the weightlifting champion?
A Crane.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:52:09 AM


Donkey Animal Joke
How do you pull out your front teeth for free?
Smack a donkey's back.
By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 10:42:34 AM


Vampire Bat Joke
Male vampire bat goes in search of blood to drink and returns in 2 minutes with lots of blood in its mouth.

Female Bat: How did you manage to get so much blood in 2 minutes?

Male Bat: Do you see the black wall over there?

Female Bat: Yeah

Male Bat: Well, I didnt.

By (anonymous)
on 10/9/2009 9:39:43 AM


Ant Joke
What do you find in a beach where ants go?
By (anonymous)
on 11/1/2009 7:49:17 AM


Ants joke
Ther are three ants swiming.
Two ants are swiming regularly and third ant put his left hand up and swiming why?
becoz the ant's watch is not water proof
By Harini
on 11/10/2009 9:49:13 AM




meganb .
meganb .

the dog and the men

one day a dog was sitting in a park licking himself when these two strange men walked past, the first man said "i wish we could do that" and the second man said " i think you have to pat him first"!
03 November 2012 7:53:01 AM UTC
0 Replies
A .
A .

Monkey Joke

Q: What do you call a flying monkey?
A: A Hot-Air baboon!
18 August 2012 3:23:01 PM UTC
0 Replies
(anonymous) .
(anonymous) .


what did the blonde say to the black/ hi blakie
08 June 2012 4:36:38 AM UTC
0 Replies
Cassy c .
Cassy c .

The sad horse

This man walks up to a crying horse and says
"why the long face"
23 May 2012 12:29:30 PM UTC
0 Replies
Layla .
Layla .


I went into morrisons the other day and saw a man swinging his guied dog round in circles i went up 2 him and said "what r u doing" and he said "having a look around"
05 April 2012 9:48:30 AM UTC
0 Replies
madison tallon .
madison tallon .

omg i dont care

guess wat i was pullin your leg this isnt a joke
17 February 2012 3:59:20 PM UTC
0 Replies
Hope u like the joke plz leave a comment!!! xx .
Hope u like the joke plz leave a comment!!! xx .
A Duck

A Duck

what do u call A bird that's about 2 get hit by a pole?
"A, A, duck!"
10 February 2012 10:15:31 AM UTC
0 Replies
Grace .
Grace .


Ok. So... This bear walks into a bar and says "May I have a.... drink please?" And the bartender asks "Why the long...Pause (paws)? HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
01 February 2012 7:07:59 PM UTC
0 Replies
jayne cutler .
jayne cutler .

frog hanging coat

where does a frog hang his coat?

in the croak room
01 February 2012 1:22:05 PM UTC
0 Replies
(anonymous) .
(anonymous) .


31 January 2012 4:07:38 PM UTC
0 Replies