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29 January 2011 12:45:10 PM UTC in English SMS And Text Messages

Funny SMS

Funny SMS jokes are the essence of life, breathing joy and happiness with 160 characters of laugh aloud jokes which are short, humorous in categories like teasing and leg pulling text messages and ascii art sms. These messages have become very popular, especially among the youth who like enjoying the day texting friends with limmericks and greeting sms messages. The following list of text message jokes will leave you in splits.

Funny SMS
Teacher to students: If you have any doubts in what I have taught so far, please ask me.
Student: Are you the Maths teacher or English teacher?


Want to have sweet dreams?
Put salt on your eyes before going to sleep.
Okay, tomorrow I will tell you how to get spicy masala dreams. Good night!


What tablet will the crow take if it gets fever?
CROWsin.


Why did they call Tendulkar to open the newly built shopping complex?
Because he is an OPENER.


Santa goes for navy selection.
Captain: So you have come for Navy selection, do you know to swim?
Santa: If I go for Air Force selection, should I know to fly?



Yesterday is an old paper,
Today is a news paper,
Tomorrow is a question paper,
But life is an answer paper.
So write it carefully.


Man 1: Your son looks just a Xerox copy of you, from head to toe.
Man 2: Ssshhh, not so loud. He is my neighbour’s son.


How do you scold a watchman?
Gate-out.


Editor: Why did you write the story on top of the envelope and send it?
Author: You asked me to write a Cover Story, that's why.


Santa: I am going to buy the Taj Mahal next week.
Banta: Who told you I am going to sell it?


What animal does not get scared on seeing a lion?
Another lion!

SMS Collection
Wife to husband:
What will I get if I spend my life cooking for you like this?
Husband to wife:
You will get my insurance money quickly.


If you sinned 90 times, you will be caught forty five times. How?
Because:
.
.
.
SIN 90 = COT 45.


What do you call a pen inside a moving car?
A Pen Drive!


One man had a crow as a pet which was soft and smooth. What will he name it as?
Mi-Cro-Soft!


Why do the Rishi's and Saints have high resistance to worldly pleasures?
Because they keep chanting "OHM OHM OHM" which is the unit of resistance.


If you hear the Earth laughing, it means an earthquake.
If you hear the sea laughing, it means a tsunami.
If you hear the wind laughing, it means a hurricane.
If you hear your mobile phone laughing, it means my SMS has arrived!

Very Funny SMS
Girl: If you don't marry me quickly, someone is saying that he will kick me.
Boy: Who is that, you dad or brother?
Girl: Neither. It's our baby in my stomach.

First Dude: I did a mistake of sending lots of love letters to my girlfriend.
Second Dude: Why?
First Dude: She ran away with the postman!


Boy to his girlfriend: Hey one beggar is following us.
Girlfriend: OMG! it's my father.


Girl to another girl: My dad saw me on a bike with my boyfriend.
Girl 2: What happened then?
Girl 1: He stopped giving me money for going by bus!


Thought of the Day SMS Jokes:
How much ever your girlfriend is fair and white;
her shadow will only be black.

Before going to sleep you can say good night,
but before waking up can you say good morning?

How much ever the fish knows to swim,
can it swim in fish curry?

Though the dog is man's best friend, can it be his girlfriend?


Even if you buy a costly mobile phone with 5 mp camera and touch screen, you can only forward sms messages, you cannot rewind them.

How much ever your feet runs fast in a running race, only your hands will get the prize.

Even if you snore loud enough to wake up the dead, you cannot hear yourself snore.





Latest
I didn't even write your name with my pen.
Do you know why?
So that the pen's nib won't poke you.
By:
.
.
.
Folks who failed the English spelling test in primary school.



Santa: Do you know I came face to face with a lion yesterday?
Banta: What happened after that?
Santa: It stared at me and I kept staring back.
Banta: Then?
Santa: I moved to the next cage to see the tiger.

SMS
You are very talented.
You are very clever.
You are very sweet.
You are very beautiful.
Don't feel good after reading this msg; I got this sms in the morning. Just forwarded it to you.


Oh wind, are you also like me?
Turning the pages of the textbook without learning...


If you have a pretty girlfriend, its super.
If she has a pretty sister, its Buy 1 Get 1 free Offer!

Free
The other name of FIRE is YOU.
The other name of COURAGE is YOU.
The other name of LOVE is YOU.
The other name of BEAUTY is YOU.
Enough lies today. Tomorrow I will send another set of lies. Ok?


How is food the mother of the rocket?
Food is a necessity.
Rocket is an invention.
As everyone knows:
Necessity is the Mother of Invention.


The top 10 things I like about you:
10) Your personality
9) Your beauty
8) Your intelligence
7) Your bravery
6) Your eyes
5) Your style
4) Your smile
3) Your speech
2) Your humor
1) And above all, the way you giggle after reading all the lies mentioned above. Giggling for #1 also?


Three monkeys escaped from the zoo.
1st is eating a banana.
2nd is climbing a tree.
And the 3rd is....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No, it is not you. Why did you think like that?

Funny SMS in English
How do I tell my eyes which desire to see you that...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Today is a holiday for the zoo.


Angry? Won't speak with me? Won't send me any sms? Won't even attend my phone calls? All I did was just stamp on your tail by mistake and you went up the tree and sat there.


There are so many hearts beating at this moment in this world, but there is only one heart beating just for you...
Idiot, it is your heart.


I need 1% of your love.
I need 10% of your affection.
I need 90% of your SMS.
I need 100% if your girlfriends!


Without girls, college is a waste.
Without money, life is a waste.
But without you my dear, our local zoo is a waste.

Very Funny SMS
Girl: If you don't marry me quickly, someone is saying that he will kick me.
Boy: Who is that, you dad or brother?
Girl: Neither. It's our baby in my stomach.

First Dude: I did a mistake of sending lots of love letters to my girlfriend.
Second Dude: Why?
First Dude: She ran away with the postman!


Boy to his girlfriend: Hey one beggar is following us.
Girlfriend: OMG! it's my father.


Girl to another girl: My dad saw me on a bike with my boyfriend.
Girl 2: What happened then?
Girl 1: He stopped giving me money for going by bus!


Thought of the Day SMS Jokes:
How much ever your girlfriend is fair and white;
her shadow will only be black.

Before going to sleep you can say good night,
but before waking up can you say good morning?

How much ever the fish knows to swim,
can it swim in fish curry?

Though the dog is man's best friend, can it be his girlfriend?


Even if you buy a costly mobile phone with 5 mp camera and touch screen, you can only forward sms messages, you cannot rewind them.

How much ever your feet runs fast in a running race, only your hands will get the prize.

Even if you snore loud enough to wake up the dead, you cannot hear yourself snore.





By (anonymous)
on 1/29/2011 2:33:36 PM

 

SMS
You are very talented.
You are very clever.
You are very sweet.
You are very beautiful.
Don't feel good after reading this msg; I got this sms in the morning. Just forwarded it to you.


Oh wind, are you also like me?
Turning the pages of the textbook without learning...


If you have a pretty girlfriend, its super.
If she has a pretty sister, its Buy 1 Get 1 free Offer!
By (anonymous)
on 1/29/2011 2:14:06 PM

 

Free
The other name of FIRE is YOU.
The other name of COURAGE is YOU.
The other name of LOVE is YOU.
The other name of BEAUTY is YOU.
Enough lies today. Tomorrow I will send another set of lies. Ok?


How is food the mother of the rocket?
Food is a necessity.
Rocket is an invention.
As everyone knows:
Necessity is the Mother of Invention.


The top 10 things I like about you:
10) Your personality
9) Your beauty
8) Your intelligence
7) Your bravery
6) Your eyes
5) Your style
4) Your smile
3) Your speech
2) Your humor
1) And above all, the way you giggle after reading all the lies mentioned above. Giggling for #1 also?


Three monkeys escaped from the zoo.
1st is eating a banana.
2nd is climbing a tree.
And the 3rd is....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No, it is not you. Why did you think like that?
By (anonymous)
on 1/29/2011 1:57:38 PM

 

Funny SMS in English
How do I tell my eyes which desire to see you that...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Today is a holiday for the zoo.


Angry? Won't speak with me? Won't send me any sms? Won't even attend my phone calls? All I did was just stamp on your tail by mistake and you went up the tree and sat there.


There are so many hearts beating at this moment in this world, but there is only one heart beating just for you...
Idiot, it is your heart.


I need 1% of your love.
I need 10% of your affection.
I need 90% of your SMS.
I need 100% if your girlfriends!


Without girls, college is a waste.
Without money, life is a waste.
But without you my dear, our local zoo is a waste.

By (anonymous)
on 1/29/2011 1:32:02 PM

 

Latest
I didn't even write your name with my pen.
Do you know why?
So that the pen's nib won't poke you.
By:
.
.
.
Folks who failed the English spelling test in primary school.



Santa: Do you know I came face to face with a lion yesterday?
Banta: What happened after that?
Santa: It stared at me and I kept staring back.
Banta: Then?
Santa: I moved to the next cage to see the tiger.
By (anonymous)
on 1/29/2011 2:18:46 PM

 

SMS Collection
Wife to husband:
What will I get if I spend my life cooking for you like this?
Husband to wife:
You will get my insurance money quickly.


If you sinned 90 times, you will be caught forty five times. How?
Because:
.
.
.
SIN 90 = COT 45.


What do you call a pen inside a moving car?
A Pen Drive!


One man had a crow as a pet which was soft and smooth. What will he name it as?
Mi-Cro-Soft!


Why do the Rishi's and Saints have high resistance to worldly pleasures?
Because they keep chanting "OHM OHM OHM" which is the unit of resistance.


If you hear the Earth laughing, it means an earthquake.
If you hear the sea laughing, it means a tsunami.
If you hear the wind laughing, it means a hurricane.
If you hear your mobile phone laughing, it means my SMS has arrived!
By (anonymous)
on 1/29/2011 2:41:30 PM

 

Funny SMS
Teacher to students: If you have any doubts in what I have taught so far, please ask me.
Student: Are you the Maths teacher or English teacher?


Want to have sweet dreams?
Put salt on your eyes before going to sleep.
Okay, tomorrow I will tell you how to get spicy masala dreams. Good night!


What tablet will the crow take if it gets fever?
CROWsin.


Why did they call Tendulkar to open the newly built shopping complex?
Because he is an OPENER.


Santa goes for navy selection.
Captain: So you have come for Navy selection, do you know to swim?
Santa: If I go for Air Force selection, should I know to fly?



Yesterday is an old paper,
Today is a news paper,
Tomorrow is a question paper,
But life is an answer paper.
So write it carefully.


Man 1: Your son looks just a Xerox copy of you, from head to toe.
Man 2: Ssshhh, not so loud. He is my neighbour’s son.


How do you scold a watchman?
Gate-out.


Editor: Why did you write the story on top of the envelope and send it?
Author: You asked me to write a Cover Story, that's why.


Santa: I am going to buy the Taj Mahal next week.
Banta: Who told you I am going to sell it?


What animal does not get scared on seeing a lion?
Another lion!
By (anonymous)
on 1/29/2011 2:51:40 PM

 
(guest)

21

Reply

Ricky .
Ricky .

Meaning of girl

Girl

G- Ghost
I- in
R- real
L-life
deya .
deya .

Moona lisa

A : What did Mona Lisa's cow paint?
B : Moona Lisa
05 July 2012 9:12:43 PM UTC
0 Replies
@sindhuu

Deleted

Deleted
23 June 2012 7:39:40 AM UTC
0 Replies
De general .
De general .

SNAKE AND NAPKINS

Can you put on napkin for a snake? or pray on the an high way, or sleep and relax your back on Bike?
06 February 2012 8:27:10 PM UTC
0 Replies
azer shah .
azer shah .

santa or banta

;
SANTA:Dukh to Jivan Ka Sathi Ho or sukh to ata-jata h
BNTA:sahi baat hai, meri biwi Hamesha SAth hi rathi hai, aur meri Sali aati-Jati Rhti H
31 January 2012 3:35:27 AM UTC
0 Replies
Phil MacRonald .
Phil MacRonald .

Misread sms

Girl 1 SMSing to girl 2: Would you like to take my shift from 6-10 at the Old Navy?
Girl 2: Sure
5:30
Girl 2: Better get ready for your shift
27 January 2012 10:47:24 AM UTC
0 Replies
Hariom Sharma .
Hariom Sharma .

Hindi Jokes

Premi: A Bewafa Tune Mera Dil jala diya
Dil jala ke Raakh kar diya..

Premika: Teri Kurbani Bekar nahi jaye gi ,
Bhej de "RAKH" Bartan dhone kaam Aaye
gi
17 November 2011 5:53:45 AM UTC
0 Replies
varsha .
varsha .

teacher 2 student

teacher:simon,say ur name backward
simon:no mis
teacher:tony,say me ur name backward
tony:Y not
04 November 2011 9:51:11 AM UTC
0 Replies
(anonymous) .
(anonymous) .

mr raju

5. DEHYDRATION:
Cow Giving Milk Power.

what u mean, milk power or powder?
02 September 2011 4:50:45 AM UTC
0 Replies
@shashikanth

Deleted

Deleted
30 August 2011 5:59:24 AM UTC
0 Replies
EMMANUEL MUYILA .
EMMANUEL MUYILA .

SALAD

HEY!IF YOU KNEW THE MEANIN OF SALAD YOU WOULD HAVE ALREADY STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOIN.SHOULD IT ELL YOU? OK WELL IT STARNDS FOR (STUPID AFRICANS LEARNING AMERICAN DRESSING)MA NIGAS
23 June 2011 8:13:55 PM UTC
0 Replies
Vikram .
Vikram .

Micror Soft

Examiner:What is Microsoft Excel

student:It is a new brand of Surf Excel to clean the computer.
Great Evening :) :) :)
06 May 2011 7:11:43 AM UTC
0 Replies
Anitha .
Anitha .

CONFUTIONS:

8 INTERESTING CONFUTIONS:

1. Can u Cry Under Water...?

2. Do Fish Ever Get Thirty...?

3. Why do u Call a Male Ladybird...?

4. Why is it called building when its already build...?

5. When They Say Dog Food Is New and Improved in taste, Who Tastes it...?

7. If money doesn't grow on tree then why banks have Branches...?

8. Why Does a Round Pizza Come in a Square Box...?
Anitha .
Anitha .

FUNNY DEFINITIONS:

1. FASHION:
Lungi with Zip.

2. LAZINESS:
Asking Lift For a Morning Walk.

3. CREZINESS:
Get Blank Paper Xeroxed.

4. HONESTY:
Pregnant Woman Taking 2 Tickets.

5. DEHYDRATION:
Cow Giving Milk Power.

6. OVERCONFIDENCE:
A 99 Years Old Woman Purchasing a Lifetime Simcard...!