relationship jokes memes

A couple was fast asleep in bed when there was a loud crash and they were startled out of their sleep. The lady said that her husband was back home. The man quickly put on his shoes and jumped out of the window before he realised that he was in his own home. He marched back inside and asked his wife why she had said that her husband was back home. She asked in turn why he had jumped up and run.

#HusbandBackHome

A man was looking around frantically in the mall for his missing girlfriend when he spotted a gorgeous woman who looked like she was waiting for somebody. He walked up to her introduced himself and explained that he could not find his girlfriend. The lady listened to him politely and asked how telling her this could possibly help to find the girlfriend. The man replied that talking to a beautiful woman always resulted in his girlfriend appearing at his side in no time.

#LostAndFound

A couple went out to a disco to celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary. There a man who was an amazing dancer was burning up the dance floor with his dance moves and thoroughly enjoying himself. The wife whispered in her husband’s ear that this was the man whose proposal she had turned down before marrying him instead. The husband looked at the dancer wistfully and commented that it looked like he was still celebrating his good fortune.

#Celebration #Couple

A couple arrived at the hospital to deliver their first child. Their doctor had invented a brand new machine that shared the labour pain with the father of the child. He was eager to test it and asked the couple if they would volunteer to test the new machine. They agreed and the wife got hooked up to the machine. The doctor started with a setting to share 10 % of the pain with the father. The husband looked fine and sat there as calm as ever. Encouraged by this the doctor scaled up the pain share to 25% for the father and 75% for the mother. The wife was greatly relieved and thanked the doctor stating that she felt much better. The husband still hadn’t felt any pain and requested that the machine be set to 100% pain for the father and none for the mother. The doctor agreed and did as they had requested. Soon the child was born with little discomfort to the mother and the doctor actually found that the mother was well enough to be sent home the very same day. They went back home with their bundle of joy only to find the neighbour sprawled on their driveway having experienced extreme pain through the day.
#LabourPain

A lady returned home from a dress fitting session and proudly told her husband that her fashion designer had told her that her 40 year old bust was as firm and beautiful as an 18 year old’s. The husband was unimpressed and asked her what the tailor said about her 40 year old ass. She replied that the tailor did not bring up her husband’s name in the conversation at all.

#Ass #HusbandWife

A man was having an affair with his colleague and one day when they were at her house they overslept and he was late to get back home. He was supposed to take his wife out to dinner that evening. As he quickly put on his clothes and rushed to his car he stopped and ran back to the lawn. There he proceeded to rub his feet on the grass till there were visible grass stains and a bit or two of grass on the shoes. He then drove home looking very guilty.  His wife was dressed and waiting and looking thoroughly upset. She asked him why he was late. He apologised and said that he had been out with his girlfriend and lost track of time. She took one look at his shoes and laughed saying, “Don’t lie to me. I know you were playing golf.”.

#Truth #Honesty #Golf

A lady asked her husband if he thought she was pretty or ugly. He thought for a while and replied that she was both. “How?”, she asked. “You are pretty ugly!!”, he replied.
#FootInMouth #Honesty

A couple’s silver wedding anniversary was coming up and the wife kept dropping hints as to what she wanted for an anniversary gift. Her husband did not seem to be getting any of the hints. She finally confronted him and told him very sweetly that their silver anniversary was coming up and that she expected a significant gift. He told her that he was bad at taking hints and that she had better be specific about what she wanted. The wife did not feel nice about straight out asking for a gift. She wanted at least a hint of surprise. She told him that on their anniversary morning she wanted her gift in the garage. It should be red and go from 0 to 200 within 10 seconds. Her husband nodded and left for work. On their anniversary morning, the excited wife rushed to their garage and found a gift-wrapped box in it. She was disappointed but reminded herself that big things come in small packages and proceeded to open it. A loud shriek of rage was heard and the husband was seen fleeing from the house in his bathrobe. The gift? A beautiful red weighing scale.
#AnniversaryGift #Hints