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Matt Maddy

Hilarious Lawyer Joke

An accused was sentenced to five years in prison and when he was being taken away he shouted at his lawyer:
"You are an useless idiot. You took all my money and did nothing. When the judge spoke you said 'objection your honor', when the prosecution spoke you again objected but when the judge sentenced me you kept your mouth shut instead of objecting."
19 June 2011 4:47:44 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Girl and Boy Joke

Girl: How much do you love me?
Boy: As much as the universe.
Girl: Then will you die for me?
Boy: No. Because love never dies.
19 June 2011 4:47:12 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Timing Joke

A jobless young man said to his girlfriend's father: If I marry your daughter I promise that I will put the earth under her feet.

Girl's father: Well, she already has the earth under her feet. What she needs is a roof over her head.
Matt Maddy

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19 June 2011 4:46:17 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Girlfriend Joke

A young man to his girlfriend: What do you want for your birthday honey?
Girlfriend: I am not sure actually.
Young man: How about a gold necklace?
Girlfriend: No
Young man: How about a car?
Girlfriend: No
Young man: How about a new house?
Girlfriend: No, I want to marry you.
Young man: Well, actually I don't want to spend that much.
19 June 2011 4:45:58 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Funny Jokes

A man disillusioned with society in his death bed asked to write on his tombstone after he dies: Please don't write MISS, because I am not going to miss anyone.


Kid: "Dad, who is braver than Robin Hood, more intelligent than Einstein and more handsome than George Clooney?"
Dad: "The only person that I can think of is your mother's ex-husband."


An aged Patient to doctor: Doctor, my right hand is paining all the time.

The doctor examined the patient and told him: "You must understand that it has been doing all its work for the past seventy years. You have to live this this pain from now on".

The Patient replied, "Then do you mean that my left hand is ten years younger?"
19 June 2011 1:45:37 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Silly Husband Joke

Wife: Do you atleast remember that our daughter turned twenty this summer and we have to look for a suitable match for her?

Husband: I do remember and I have interviewed many potential suitors but none of them are good enough.

Wife: Well, if my parents had done the same thing then I wouldn't have got married to you.
19 June 2011 1:44:52 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Rainy Night

On a rainy night with thunderstorms a man entered a store which was just about to close and asked, "One small candy please".

The shopkeeper was astonished and asked him, "For just a small candy, you came in this rain all drenched?"

Man: "Yes, otherwise she will become angry when I go home."

Shopkeeper: "Who is she, your mother?"

Man: "No it's my wife. Do you think my mother will let me go in the rain?"
19 June 2011 1:44:38 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Rainy Night

On a rainy night with thunderstorms a man entered a store which was just about to close and asked, "One small candy please".

The shopkeeper was astonished and asked him, "For just a small candy, you came in this rain all drenched?"

Man: "Yes, otherwise she will become angry when I go home."

Shopkeeper: "Who is she, your mother?"

Man: "No it's my wife. Do you think my mother will let me go in the rain?"
19 June 2011 1:44:38 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Waiter and the Tip

A man tipped the waiter three cents after an expensive meal at a luxury restaurant.

The waiter said politely, "Sir, I can tell the character of a person from the way he tips".

The curious man asked, "So what do you make of my character?".

The waiter said, "The first cent shows that you are frugal. The second cent shows that you are a bachelor."

The man asked, "And what does the third cent show?".

The waiter replied, "That your father was also a bachelor".
19 June 2011 1:44:18 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Santa Banta in a Train

Santa and Banta are got in to a train.
Santa: Is your seat comfortable?
Banta: Yes.
Santa: Are you getting enough breeze through the window?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok then, lets switch our places.
19 June 2011 1:43:51 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Short Jokes

Customer: How do you make a profit though you are selling these mobile phones at a lower cost?
Salesman: Oh, we make profit by repairing them.

Customer: How do you make a profit though you are selling these mobile phones at a lower cost?
Salesman: Oh, we make profit by repairing them.




Little girl to her father: Dad, who is a pedestrian?
Dad: A pedestrian is one who has a wife, five kids, fat mother-in-law and only one car.
19 June 2011 1:43:30 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Shopkeeper Joke

Customer in a cloth shop: Will this non-shrink shirt shrink if I put it in the washing machine?

Shopkeeper: First tell me this, does the shirt fit you properly or not?

Customer: No, it didn't fit when I tried it in the dressing room.

Shopkeeper: Then it will shrink.
19 June 2011 1:43:05 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Hilarious

Santa: Where did you go yesterday?
Banta: To my brother's wedding.
Santa: Whom did he marry?
Banta: He married a woman.
Santa: You are an idiot, did you ever hear about anyone marrying a man?
Banta: Yes, my sister did.
19 June 2011 1:42:50 AM UTC
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Matt Maddy

Wives

Santa: What do you call if a man has two wives?
Banta: Polygamy
Santa: What do you call if a man has three wives?
Banta: Trigonometry
19 June 2011 1:42:40 AM UTC
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