Betty Batt

2 Culprits

Two culprits in a jail were talking to each toher.

Culprit 1: Why are you here?

Culprit 2: I stole 2000$ from a supermarket.

Culprit 1: That way you wouldn't get rich. You need to try robbing from a bank.

Culprit 2: But banks usually close by the time I come out of school.
08 June 2011 10:56:20 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

Silly School Joke

Teacher: If a cow gives a litre of milk everyday, how many litres would it give in a week?"

Student: 6 litres

Teacher: How can that be? A week has seven days as you know.

Student: But ma'am, Sunday is a holiday.
08 June 2011 10:56:04 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

Confusing Joke

Boss: "I see that you are coming late to work everyday".

Employee: "But sir I leave early from office everyday".

Boss: "???"
08 June 2011 10:55:48 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

A billionaire at Pearly gates joke

A billionaire died and went to Pearly Gates.
St. Peter asked him, "What are the good deeds that you have done?"

Billionaire: "I gave a cent to an old lady"

St. Peter: "Then?"

Billionaire: "I gave another cent to a blind beggar who thought they were dimes and became happy".

St.Peter asked Gabriel, "Where do you think we send this man to, Heaven or Hell?

Gabriel: "Give him back his 2 cents and send him to hell".
08 June 2011 10:55:30 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

Doctor and the worried patient Joke

Patient to doctor: "My life is full of problems. I am diabetic".

Doctor: "Don't worry, we all have problems. That would cost 100$ a week and the treatment will be for six months"

The patient said after thinking for a moment, "Well doctor that solves your problem. How about mine?"
08 June 2011 10:54:54 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

Short and Funny Joke

Why wouldn't a woman make a good auctioneer?

Because she would have to stand up and say "All I want is an offer."
08 June 2011 10:54:24 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

Marriage and Divorce Joke

Lady 1: "Why did you get married at all?
Lady 2: "For money"
Lady 1: "Then why did you divorce?"
Lady 2: "I got it!".
08 June 2011 10:53:58 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

Hotel PJ

Customer in a hotel: "Waiter, what salad is this?

Waiter: "Bean Salad sir"

Customer: "It doesn't matter what it's been. What is it now?
08 June 2011 10:53:40 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

The rat, cheese and doctor joke

A lady came to the doctor and said, "Please help my husband doctor. A live rat went inside his mouth and now it's creating havoc in his stomach."

The doctor said, "Don't worry about that. Put a piece of cheese near his mouth and the rat will come out on it's own. In any case I will be in your house in an hour".

After an hour the doctor went to their house and saw the lady holding with a bowl of milk near his mouth. The doctor told, "I asked you to hold a piece of cheese near his mouth and not milk."

The lady told him, "But doctor, the cat needs to come out first!"
05 June 2011 7:20:20 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

Politician Joke

A prisoner was about to be hanged in public for some heinous crime that he had comitted. He was given ten minutes to speak about anything as a last wish. He refused to speak.

A politician came up and said, "If the prisoner doesn't wish to speak, I can use the 10 minutes to give a speech. If elected as a minister...".

The prisoner cut him short and said, "I thought that you were only hanging me, now you want to torture me as well".
05 June 2011 7:19:39 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

Doctor Joke

Santa: Why are you buying two dozen spoons?

Banta: The doctor asked me to take two teaspoons everyday for two weeks.
05 June 2011 7:19:21 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

Lawyer Joke

A man burst angrily into his lawyer's office and asked him, "Why have you charged me for two consultations while I just came once last month?"

The lawyer asked him, "Do you remember the day you had come, it was raining and was a Wednesday?"

The man replied, "Yes, I do".

The lawyer then said, "Well, after you left you came again to ask if you had left your raincoat and umbrella here".
05 June 2011 7:19:05 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

Hilarious Joke

A group of ladies were gossiping in a party and the conversation came to the engagement of a young girl in the crowd. An old lady said to her,

"After marriage make sure that you keep an eye on your husband and always insist on him returning by 9'0 clock to the house. And whenever possible ask him to wash the dishes and help you in the household work and also give up drinking, smoking".

The young girl was clearly amazed and asked the lady, "How long did it take for him to quit smoking and drinking after you told him?"

The old lady replied, "I don't know. I haven't seen him after that".
05 June 2011 7:18:51 AM UTC
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Betty Batt

An American in China Joke

Am American who had come to China went to a crowded market and started shouting:
"Oranges, Oranges, only one dollar each!"

One guy from the crowd came to him and said, "These people don't understand you and they don't use the dollar as a currency".

The American became happy and asked him, "You are the guy I am looking for. Which way is the airport?"
05 June 2011 7:18:33 AM UTC
0 Replies
Betty Batt

Funny Parents

Santa: My wife always gives more affection to my youngest daughter and spoils her. What to do?

Banta: Have another daughter.
05 June 2011 7:18:12 AM UTC
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