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Dharmen Kumar
शाम है बुझी बुझी वक्त है खफा खफा,
कुछ हंसीं यादें हैं कुछ भरी सी आँखें हैं,
कह रही है मेरी ये तरसती नजर,
अब तो आ जाइये अब न तड़पाइये।
Mike Bernard
"Oh Darrell, don't tell me you got it. I mean it is impossible for you to get the right answer for easy questions in the first place." Mrs. Jane embarrassed him. Nearly everyone laughed. "No Miss, I actually got it. So here it goes, "In the classroom, the teacher shouted out the word plenipotentiary." "Daniel replied. Later, he went home knowing that he doesn't have to do homework for a month.
Mike Bernard
The classroom was silent. Mrs. Jane was handing out to students their last homework sheet. As she did it, she wrote the word plenipotentiary on the whiteboard. Then she turned around and said, " Attention boys and girls. This word is almost hardest English word in the world. So, your job is to put this word in a sentence. I'll give you an example of a flower. "In the middle of the circle was a large teardrop shaped flower garden". You see? Nice and easy. Now, whoever made a sentence for the word plenipotentiary, there will be no homework for a month for him or her. So, start now. PLENIPOTENTIARY." Nobody seemed to do it but a boy called Daniel (Stupidest kid in the classroom) far in the back raised his hand. Everybody stared at him and opened their mouth. Even Mrs. Jane
Mike Bernard
The priest: I guess you still did well with it. Chris: Wait, father, I had some wood left. The priest: What did you do with it? Chris: My car was cold, so I built it a two-car garage to keep it warm. The priest: That is a little out of hand... Chris: But father, I still had a little wood left. My wife had always wanted a bigger house, so I built a second floor for our house. The priest: Whoa! That's way too much! You are going to have to make a Novena for penance. Do you know how to make a Novena? Chris: No, but if you have the plans I have plenty of wood.
Mike Bernard
Chris was feeling guilty, so he went to church for a confession. Chris: Forgive me Father, I have sinned. I stole some wood from a construction site. The priest: Well what did you do with the lumber my son? Chris: Well my sons wheelchair ramp was broken so I fixed it. The priest: At least you did good with it. Chris: Wait father, I had some wood left. The priest: What did you do with it? Chris: My dog was cold so I built him a house.
Mike Bernard
Mike’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Mike responds “You see I have very bad asthma, which can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Mike responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Mike “I also have diabetes, which could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Mike. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”
Mike Bernard
Johnny, the leader of the vegetarian society just couldn’t control himself anymore. Johnny just needed to try some pork, just to see what it tasted like. So one summer day Johnny told his members he was going on a vacation. Johnny packed out of town, and headed to the nearest restaurant. After sitting down, he ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited for his delicacy. After just a few minutes, he heard someone call his name, and to his great chagrin he saw one of his fellow members walking towards him. Just at that same moment, the waiter walked over, with a huge platter, holding a full roasted pig with an apple in it’s mouth. “Isn’t that something,” says the leader after only a moment’s pause, “all I do is order an apple, and look what it comes with!”
Mike Bernard
It was 5 feet from the cliff when Mike suddenly remembered “heyhey!” Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff. Mike could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”
Mike Bernard
Mike walked into ‘Chris’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said Chris, “I’ve got just the horse you are looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God. Mike nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?” Mike was having the time of his life this horse sure could run he thought to himself. Mike was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Mike, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Mike but the horse just kept on speeding ahead
Mike Bernard
“why just for the rent $3000 is needed by tomorrow otherwise they’ll be kicked out onto the streets.” “How do you know so much about this situation?” asked the man as he reached for his check book. “Well,” said the man breaking down once more “they are my tenants.”